Bach is Not a Pre-Wedding Celebration

(The following blog is an inspiring thought spiral, obviously.)

I like to think of myself as a fairly open person. I invite humor into most situations, even when it’s not necessarily the most appropriate timing. I like to listen. I care a little too much most of the time.

That said, there is one thing that I would like to address before we go any further on the Inspiring Thought Spirals blog, and I understand that it may be a divisive topic. So, if you’re overly-sensitive (like I am) and can’t handle the heat, now would be the time to stop reading and GTFO of the kitchen.

There is an alarming trend that I have seen popping up recently in my circle of non-musician friends and family (That’s right, I mingle with non-musicians sometimes. Bet you didn’t see that coming).

My non-musician friends and family have begun using the abbreviation “Bach” to describe a pre-wedding celebration previously known as a “bachelorette party.”

*A recent social media image posted by my sister-in-law. She is not a Classical musician, but she does like listening to it.*

Friends - This behavior simply cannot stand. It makes me shudder. It makes me relapse into my most intense moments of anxiety. It causes me existential dread.

You understand why. Yes, you really do. For the last (nearly) 300 years, the word “Bach” has referred to one thing and one thing only: The Daddy’s Daddy of all music. Johann. Sebastian. Bach.

*Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750). Not pictured: A bachelorette party.*

Now, you might say to me, “Ethan. Bach loved drinking coffee and beer and smoking and he had twenty children. He knew what was up.” Okay. Fine.

You might also say, “Ethan. ‘Bach’ is the German word for ‘brook.’ It’s how I describe tiny rivers and small streams.” Okay. Fine. But stop lying to yourself. You don’t describe tiny rivers or small streams most of the time. You’re playing Devil’s Advocate.

What this really boils down to is clarity. When you say “I’m picking up drinks and male strippers and dr*gs for the BACH,” we in the Classical community think that you are referring to a straight-up RAGER of a performance. We wonder why we weren’t hired. We wonder if it’s because we’re not fun.

“Maybe I’m not as cool as I assumed.”

As a sober, married, self-proclaimed “Bach specialist,” I can’t watch this unfold and say nothing.

I will be mentioning it as a reply on Instagram.

I will be texting you remarks such as, “Have fun at the BACH. I hope everyone knows BWV 1067!”

This is what we think you are doing at your bachelorette party. Playing the Baroque flute.

I will. Never. Stop.

Ethan DePuy is a self-proclaimed Bach specialist. His thought spirals are enjoyed by people far and wide from Boston, MA all the way to Concord, MA.